More on Trust

It has been very interesting to see how much my perspectives on relationships have grown as I  study the crucial element of trust in relationships. During the past week, I had to consider the issue of trust as I dealt with two relationships that involved long-distance. Although the dynamics of the two relationships are worlds apart, it brought a stark reminder of how absolutely crucial trust is in a relationship. Trust allows you to be at peace about a relationship even though there may be issues causing uncertainty whilst in direct contrast, if there is a lack of trust, you may also be searching for issues in a relationship that aren’t even there.

I have just finished reading “The Speed of Trust” by Stephen M.R. Covey, (son of the guru Stephen Covey of Seven habits) which, as the title hints, talks about how trust affects everything.  The book is essentially written for business but it also applies to marriage and relationships as the principles are the same. Perhaps I can quote from the foreword written by Stephen Covery (Snr) and summarize his view like this “Low trust slows everything, every decision, every communication and every relationship”. It follows that the corollary of high trusts is speed; speed with decisions, communications, relationships. He then suggests that trust starts from the inside and works itself towards the outside, like wave-rings that flow outward when a stone is thrown into a pool of water but it begins with self-trust. It’s a fascinating read indeed with real examples from global companies. I would recommend you buy it for your collection.

That said, and as you know, my main focus is on relationships and I was particularly interested on what followed these two statements: -

“You can’t talk yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into.” Covey (Snr)

“No, but you can behave yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into…and often faster than you think” Covey (Jnr) In an earlier blog I used content from Stephen Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People which explained the emotional bank account. Covey junior gives thirteen behaviours which build trust.  For this blog, I’d like to simply list them with a short brief which made an impact on me. I am hoping that these might help you in your relationships.

1. Talk Straight – Tell the truth and leave the correct impression.
2. Demonstrate Respect – A measure of a person is the way he treats someone from whom he has nothing to gain.
3. Create Transparency – Tell the truth in a way people can verify.
4. Right Wrongs – Don’t let pride get in the way of doing the right thing. Actions speak louder than words.
5. Show Loyalty – To retain those who are present, be loyal to those who are absent. Give credit where credit is due and speak about those absent as if they were present.
6. Deliver Results – We judge ourselves on what we feel we are capable of delivering whilst others judge us on what we have already delivered.
7. Get Better – Don’t assume today’s knowledge and skills are sufficient for tomorrow’s challenges.
8. Confront Reality – Address the tough stuff directly and acknowledge the unsaid.
9. Clarify Expectations – Almost all conflict is the result of violated expectations.
10. Practice Accountability – A good leader takes more than his share of the blame and gives more than their share of the credit.
11. Listen First – Has anyone ever been criticised for listening too much?
12. Keep Commitments – The way you build trust, is though crucibles. You have to show you will keep to your word even if it is difficult.
13. Extend Trust –Trust me and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.

Finally, one behaviour that is not highlighted but runs as an implied element throughout the behaviours is sincerity. To me it goes hand-in-hand with all the above behaviours.

Next blog: The Next Relationship

The Speed of Trust – Stephen M.R. Covey – Simon & Schuster UK lTD London:2006

Note: Some of the above quotes were quotes the author used in his book.

Pic from www.customergauge.com

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